Define the great line

Hello Blog.

Well I wouldnt quite say that last night was a success, but
I wouldnt call it an epic fail. I went for supper at the hospital, as per
usual (my least favorite part of the day), but i purged it. Then i went to
a movie where i ate a whole bag of movie popcorn to myself...a large one.x(
I purged it though and I got all of it out. So thats why last night wasnt good
because i couldnt control myself, but at least i got it out.
I went to see Super 8. It was so good! Im not that into alien or sci-fi movies
but i really enjoyed this one! I went with Jackie and Becky, it was good to see them
again!

Sooo I am not looking forward to tomorrow at supper. I have to meet with my dietician. I think she wants me to do snacks at the hospital. She has been trying to convince me to go back for all my meals... all 2700 calories worth. I think being there for suppers is hard enough. Even if i wanted to stay, it will make for too long of a day. I have to be at work 1 hour early, work 8 hours, then go eat at hospital and stay there all night till 9? Ugh no thank you.

So i am applying to go to a rehab centre in BC. I think going there will get the nurses and my doctor off of my back for the time being. I have so much to do... I have to start coming off my meds soon, because most of the ones that I take are narcotics and obviously they dont allow them into a rehab program. Ive been clean for a week, so my feelings are telling me that I got this under control and i dont need rehab. But its just a matter of time before I find myself back in that place: i feel like a ticking time bomb. I never know what im gonna do next.
The past couple months I really have been out of control in every area of my life. I liked using though because it helped me restrict... without it i binge all day and all night. I dont even remember what its like to do a whole day restricting and not binging on my own. It seems so simple! But its not! Anyways im rambling... moving on.

I said i would write down everything i ate today... umm how about starting now... AFTER breakfast. Didn't start out so great not gonna lie! I am amazed at how much I can eat...seriously how does that even all fit into my stomach? Aren't they supposed to be like the size of your fist? So aside from the epic binge and purge this morning.. what i DID keep down was
1 handfull of green grapes
1 cup earl grey tea.
I need to start drinking more water, im super dehydrated all the time. Its just that i have to go to the bathroom ALL the time... then add drinking lots of water to that, and a job where i need to be at my desk at all times and... ya its hard.

Anyways, Im gonna get back to work. My blog is being stupid im not able to post any comments, but i have been reading your blogs! They are inspiration!

xxo.
Rach