Five Likes:
1. Dancing of ANY kind, ANYWHERE
2. Perfect sunny days at the pool/beach getting tanned
3. Making Kandi with friends at the Leg. or in a park
4. Neon Rainbow Colors
5. Festivals!!
Five Dislikes:
1. When people Say one thing and do another
2. Mushrooms
3. -60 degrees in the winter :/not cool
4. When my clothes are too tight
5. Gossip
I Nominate:
1. This is my life. i love it. i hate it
http://godisnowhereinmylife.blogspot.com/
2. Rachel<3
http://youve-pinned-this-butterfly-down.blogspot.com/
3. Lulu
http://de-fine-beauty.blogspot.com/
4. Elle
http://elle-usivedream.blogspot.com/
5. ~N~
http://rainydaynyc.blogspot.com/2010/07/they-can-because-they-think-they-can.html
Thank you miss alisha for giving me this award:) Def. means a lot!! I didnt know blogging could be so addiction oh my word! But it is!! Speaking of which another follwer!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! double digits! its crazy to think someone reads the stuff that goes on in my life! You girls are amazing!!
Rachel. Seriously every day i look forward to reading your blog and your comments! You have such a special place in my heart, you should know that! I just can feel your heart in your struggles, and you should know that im here for you even if its only in blog form!! you are so much stronger than you think! you have been through so much, and you are def. such an inspiration!! i am so excited to see you grow and reach your goals and find happiness! Don't give up, you are so precious and beautiful<3 xxo.
So, today is such a lovely day. I have this new hope just like bursting out of me today. Hope for life. Hope for change. Hope for myself and for those around me.
My friend A graduated from 3 months rehab this morning. It was amazing!! I love going to things like that, they are so inspiring. She is a completely different person. I met her in detox 2 years ago: and for some reason we have been able to keep in contact through the past 2 years. We used to get into a lot of trouble together, she used to sell shit to me for goodness sake. But its so cool to see her happy and healthy!! i mean: the real A is back!! Her skin is clear, she is alert, smiling, laughing! She has hopes and dreams and ah its so exciting! she didnt think i could make it, so when i showed up it superised her so much, she flipped out:) its was awesome!
I was really reminded of what i've been through and how far really I have come in the past 2 years. Its like, I am living life now and I have no reason to turn back into my old lifestyle of doing drugs. There is nothing but death and destruction there. I don't miss being on the streets, sketching out, panic attacks, cravings, withdrawl, comedown, nosebleeds, runny nose, overdosing, bad trips, losing friends, never showering (i would sometimes go for days without cleaning myself. i didnt care i was high), doing a poor job at work, insomnia, nightmares, the shakes, being at war with my family, having to hide from the cops, covering up, dirty money, racing heart, "shadow people", being paranoid, being in detox, being in rehab...having to face the people i love after all of it. If i take a moment to think of even just a few of these reasons: I remember that, its not worth it. Life is so much more beautiful and worth living: I don't waste it on something that leaves you lying dead.
Intake today:
B: Tea
L: Tea
1 cup Chicken Brothe: (10-15 cal)
S: 1 cup Mixed Raw Veggies:)(to eat AT movies)
I am going to see Eclipse again with L. She hasnt seen it yet, so its a give in! Im bringing Veggies tonight to munch on during the movies. Lucky for me, bringing healthy food everywhere i go insnt uncharacteristic of me: and in fact people expect me to be a health nut. So it works out:) Popcorn will most likely happen but I will only eat a couple handfulls. I dont really care, my intake has been practically nothing today so i can eat the damn popcorn haha. Im not working out today, i dont have time plus, i decided today will be my "break" day. Let these muscles rest to rebuild!!
Got another letter from Elliot last night. SO SO weird to hear from him. He writes, and he's a completely different person. I think we are going to going to church together on Sunday night. Im nervous/excited/ AHHH! Crazy!!! He's going to BC for 2 years and im going to Australia for 2 years. SO this will be our last time seeing eachother probably ever... unless our paths HAPPEN to cross again like they did this time. WHICH i still cant even hardly get over. So cool.
Its a SUNNY and HOT day today for once, and not rainy. So that contributes to my joyful, happy, hopful mood forsure:) Ps. It also feels AWESOME to be empty, and not full of food:) I best be off!
peace and love my beautiful girls<3 For all of you who are reading this, THANK YOU with ALL OF MY HEART!!! it means so much!!
xxo.
Aw Rach your gonna make me cry (and it takes alot to make me cry.) Thank you so so much, I hope you know that you have a special place in my heart to, like I don't know it's strange how much we can know about each without ever having to meet, I still wish we could though.
ReplyDeleteI had a bit of a mini binge tonight but I managed to stop myself going to far, I won't let myself get too annoyed about it because I burnt a lot of it off.
I love you so so much
Eep, I gots an award, thanks :)
X
Thank you, they are feeling a bit better today, haven't told anyone else that though, I like to keep it up for a long as I can. I know I loved skipping when I was a kid, I did it for hours on end, unfortinately my current fitness level will not allow more than about 5 minutes at once, I will get it up though. I know I say thank you to you and tell you how beautiful and wonderful and incrediable you are like all the time, but I really do mean everytime I say that. Thank you, your words always make me look at things again in a much more positive light, so thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteI have a new dress and it is just above the knee, I have it hanging up in my room where I can see it, mostly to motivate me in my weight loss, but also to try and help me not cut because at the minute if I wore it you would see all the nasty cuts on leg and that really ain't a pretty sight so yeh, it's working.
I smoke and drink so that is bad enough without drugs as well. I'm glad I'm that way because I've got friends that would do drugs and it changes them and like you said does them no good. Yes we will, anytime you have a bad day or just need someone to rant to leave me a comment, I'm on blogger at least once a day if not more, so I'll be here if/when you need me, always know that.
The world can be small sometimes, and I wouldn't let you let go :)
And thank you for being you! I say it everytime but I really do love you more than the world, Rach
X
hey,
ReplyDeleteyeah, the worst thing about my fast was the fact that my family kept eating in front of me the WHOLE time. i finally broke that night b/c i really couldn't take it anymore.
thanks for the advice about the laxies. i'm gonna keep them for desperation use only.
stay beautiful,
Elle
I love dancing too!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHow about this quote...? "Stop avoiding the storm and start dancing in the rain"
And I have this amazing pink neon spandex from urban outfitters ;) hahaha
Thank you sooo much for the award!!! That is sooo nice of you!! Seriously I'm honored. I love all the amazing comments you leave me all the time!!! You are sooo sweet!
I'm so glad today has brought you lots of hope and I hope you continue to feel good!!
And wow I'm sure you are a much stronger person now and after all you've been through! Seriously girl-it was obviously a rough time and things probably still are hard but in a different way and yes you are right life is so precious and we need to live it out and celebrate. its easier said than done for some. (in my opinion)
hope you had fun at eclipse! I still need to watch that! and im about to go respond under ur comment on my blog so check it :)
<3
shelby
Hey! I am so glad to hear that you enjoyed my blog! It's a great feeling to know that there's people out willing to listen to all my bullshit. hahaha thanks so much for the encouragement! I hope you are doing a great job on your goal. I know you can do it, I can tell by your attitude, i like ! :)
ReplyDeleteThink thin
Love,Ana