7 colors of high on a rainbow

Hello Blog.

I havent had the guts to really write about whats been going on since last weekend yet. It is definitely safe to say that my brilliant ideas for last weekend were a big mistake.

Of course i wanted to get high. So i did. Massive amounts on Friday, took so much out of me i was a zombie on Saturday. I had to visit a good friend from overseas for lunch and i had to quicky throw back a pot of coffee before she got there. Kept me alert as i could be. Eating was painful. I was going to keep it all down but I guess purging is just habbit sometimes. I went swimming later and pretty much flopped down in over a floaty and sat there. I got 12 hours sleep on saturday which is UNHEARD OF!

Sunday. Oh but Sunday. Started off lovely. Went to church with the family, although i was in a particularly awful mood. We had family dinner which i actually kept down. I was going to meet a friend who had a day pass from rehab... and i did. It was so great to see her! But right after i saw her my friend (call her Jade) and i made a stop by my dear old hippie friends' house. That was the mistake. Before i knew it i was rolling and off the flail around at the park. I was supposed to be hanging out with my other friend that day. i called her to tell her id be later. By the time it came to see my other friend (Joy) i had come down enough to act normal. But then Jade suggested more and so we did: 10 mins before Joy came to get me.

Fuck.

To be honest i dont remember the drive home. I didnt even know who it was driving me and where i was. Of course she took me home to my mom: which was awesome...not.

So basically Im never leaving the house "unsupervised" again. Damnit i just can't say no. i know it sounds lame but whenever i want to do something, i always just do it. Like even with binge eating... i know its not going to be worth it and ill feel like crap. BUT no. Gotta give in every time.

This week has been intresting. Parents have been watching me like a hawk. Everything. Serves me right though for being stupid and getting caught. Anyways. That was that. My birthday is next week. I am NOT looking forward to that. PLUS its supposed to rain: BRILLIANT.

Yesterday was Canada Day and my mom bought me new clothes which was sweet. I've def. gained weight this week ever since my parents got on my case about my eating and stuf. Doesnt feel good on me at all. i feel all gross and flabby. I know its all in my head... right?


I dont know what i am going to do this weekend. Get my stuff from Jade since ill probably never be able to see her again:( She said she would pay me half the money i wasted on shit last weekend. i had no money for anything this week. I really do hope she pulls through today because i mega need the cash. Hoping to do more shopping for Australia!! Feels like its never going to come!