Twisted Rainbow

Goodmorning Blog!

First of all i just want to say thankyou to all the lovely ladies who leave me comments! They mean SO much to me you dont even know. Its amazing how good it feels to be understood by eachother, and i am so amazed at the encouragement you ladies have given me and eachother:) and thank you so much for reading<3

So, i dont normally weigh in on a Friday... but i couldnt help it. AND...*drumroll please.....***** I BROKE THE 130 PLATEAU!!! 128 lbs!!! YES!! It only gets better from here! It is amazing though how its such a bitter sweet thing. Its like yeah sure i lost 2 lbs but i actually FEEL fatter than i did 2 days ago. Whatever, I will see on sunday if I can keep this 2 lbs off: Id better. I dont want to hit 130 again. Ever.

On a lighter note of things: This weekend i have offically decided is going to be fun! Tonight, my sister and I are going to find a patio in the sunshine and sit there all night. My Plan: Say i ate alreaday to save money (cuz its true i need to) then nurse a drink all night long. Haven't decided what yet. Tomorrow, Im going for brunch with an old friend from high school...again. Plan: Order small fruit cup (ive been there before so it helps) and tea. Say im not super hungry because its the morning. I am supposed to be going to the pool so i cannot be bloated and gross, Since im not around home all day, i dont have to worry about eating. Only if necessary.

OK> SOO i have to be honest here for a second. This is where things might get interesting. Okay so I am supposed to visit my hippie friend after brunch. (before the pool) Now. I know what happened last time i visited him (i got high [Again])...and secretly i want it to happen again. I feel so terrible for saying it, but its my blog and i need to at least be honest with it. Now, he doesn't always have stuff on him: but lately he has, and when i go visit him he kind of expects me to. (Ps. he's not a jerk: we are really good friends: hes like an amazing guy its just that is the relationship we used to have back in the day and still sometimes every now and again). Now, if that doesn't work I am seeing JN tomorrow too afterwards. He's a sweetie, but the same thing. Always has stuff. SO. i feel that tomorrow might go in a certain direction? If anyone reads this i hope you don't judge. *Note: it sounds lame but it helps with my self confidence while in a bathingsuit...which i will be in all weekend... MAN that sounds stupid. BUT its true*

Saturday night though, im going on a date with dad. No dinner thankfully, but a movie. I love movies BUT i hate them at the same time. Damn movie popcorn. The moment i smell the stuff i feel the need to devour a whole large to myself. My dad usually buys it, but never shares so thats good. i just wont bring my own money so im not tempted. He DOES however buy me, no sugar non-fat frozen yogurt (yogen fruz) which is about 110 cal for small. Not too shabby:)

Sunday: ALL day at the pool. Summer is coming over early to pack our "picnic" lunch. Im bringing berries and veggies, water and coke zero. She said she'd bring chips and candy...BAHAHA right. at the pool no less. I am determined to wear my bikini no matter how fat i feel, because i WANT to get tanned. No questions. Summer is def. bigger than me so as bad as it sounds it helps.

Intake Today:

B: Tea and Blueberries (40 cal). + vitamins

L: 1 Avocado for lunch, with tiny piece of chicken breast for lunch. (200 cal)

S: ...haha nursing my drink on a patio:)(cal...??)
and as always heaps of water!!

OMG, so last night i went shopping despite my feeling like crap. (which by the way i feel much better:)) i bought this necklace i have wanted for a long time..so pretty! And i bought purse for $10!! everything is on sale right now its golden! Then i got the perfect white sweater. Honestly. its what i have been looking for, for months!

So, let me take this moment to say how much i absolutely despise being at the doctor's. Like UGG. I have spent far too much time in the past years there to ever want to step foot in that office again. BUT. My mom is convinced i need to get my potassium levels checked out. I actually feel fine, i KNOW when my levels are out of wack i can feel it.
I have had a history with my electrolytes being very unstable. Which is why i need to be careful. The one in particular is potassium. I actually went into cardiac arrest and died...they revived me on the spot: in feb 08. Normals levels should be NO LOWER than 3.5. i went in at critical level of 2.6 and within an hour of treatment fell to a lethal level of 1.6: hence cardiac arrest. Doctor's said they have never seen levels this low ever, and had someone survive. (of course thats when i got thrown into the hospitals inpatient ed program for 6 months. SO. Naturally my mom would worry. To be honest, i dont ever want that to happen again either. Last summer, i let my levels get too low again (2.2) and was at emergency again with that stupid IV. (MOST PAINFUL THING YOU WILL EVER HAVE HAPPEN TO YOU IN YOUR LIFE!!)
So, making sure to keep up with vitamins and such is super important. I know alot of times I didnt actually care if i died i just wanted to be skinny. AND i WAS skinny but did die. So this time: my goal: be skinny and live=)

These things always end up being so long! But its good to get it out somewhere.

Here's to a fun sunny weekend: to getting into that bathing suite no matter what: and to being skinny and alive:)

<3